The Best Kisser Takes All
by SeanSnow
Summary: Terri & Janet have a kissing contest


"The Best Kisser Takes All"  
A Season Six Episode  
  
Scene- Apartment  
  
Jack and Terri Are Watching "Laverne and Shirley"  
  
Terri: That Cindy Williams is the best!  
  
Jack: Boo-Boo Kitty is waaaaay better!  
  
They Start Fighting  
  
RF Enters  
  
RF: Hi kids!  
  
Terri: RF, you should knock!  
  
Jack: We might have not been decent!  
  
RF: That's the day Squirrels fly!  
  
RF Starts Laughing  
  
Terri: There are flying squirrles RF!  
  
RF Stops Laughing  
  
RF: I watching you two!  
  
Jack: Now, what did you come up here for?  
  
RF: I forgot..............I'll come back later. Bye, kids!  
  
RF Exits  
  
Janet Enters  
  
Terri: Janet, who's better: Boo-Boo Kitty or Cindy Williams  
  
Janet Starts Crying  
  
Jack (To Janet): She must be a Penny Marshall fan!  
  
Terri: Janet, what's wrong?  
  
Janet: Dave....Dave-  
  
Terri: Who's Dave?  
  
Jack: Her boyfriend. What did he do?  
  
Terri: Not that, I hope!  
  
Janet: No........he said I was a.......bad kisser!  
  
Janet Really Breaks Down  
  
Terri: I heard of that.  
  
Janet: What?  
  
Terri: The nerve of that!  
  
Janet: Tell me the truth.  
  
Terri: I heard you have.......fishlips!  
  
Janet: What!?  
  
Terri: Fishlips! Ya heard you, fishlips!  
  
Janet: Oh yeah?! I heard you have....have....have  
  
Terri: What have you heard?  
  
Janet: That your lips bleed often and make your kisses taste like blood!  
  
Terri: What? My kiss taste perfectly fine, Mrs. Tuna!  
  
They Start Fighting  
  
Jack: Girls, girls, there's only one way to solve this: Both of you kiss me.  
  
Janet: Okay! But no funny stuff!  
  
Janet Kisses Jack  
  
While She's Kissing, RF Enters  
  
RF's Eyes Bulge   
  
Janet Finishes  
  
Jack: Did I taste fish?  
  
Janet: Oh yeah!  
  
Janet Gives Him A REAL Big Kiss  
  
RF's Eyes Bulge Real Big  
  
RF Faints  
  
Jack: That was a KISS!  
  
Terri: I'll show you a kiss!  
  
Terri Grabs His Head And Gives Him a HUGE kiss  
  
RF Comes To  
  
His Eyes REALLY Bulge  
  
He Faints and Falls Down the Stairs  
  
A Cat Screaming Is Heard  
  
Janet: What was that?  
  
Jack: The steam from us must have set the smoke alarm off!  
  
Terri: So, who was better?  
  
Jack: The winner is- TERRI!  
  
Janet: I'll get you next time, Terri Alden!  
  
Later........  
  
Janet, Jack, and Terri Are Talking  
  
Larry Enters  
  
Larry: Hi guys! Did you hear what happened to RF?  
  
Terri: What?  
  
Larry: He broke his leg.  
  
Janet: Really? How?  
  
Larry: He said he was standing in your doorway when he fainted and fell!  
  
Jack: You don't think-  
  
Terri: I do!  
  
Janet: Me too!  
  
Larry: What?  
  
Jack: See, we were kissing-  
  
Larry: I knew it wasn't platonic!  
  
Jack: No let me-  
  
RF Enters, With a Moustache on  
  
Terri: Hi RF!  
  
RF: I'm JF. CAn I ask you a question? (They Know It's RF)  
  
Janet: Sure!  
  
RF: I heard a rumor that you two girls and Tippytoes were kissing.  
  
Jack: It's true! I've changed! The girls have to lock their doors at night!  
  
RF Takes Out a Piece of PAper and Gives It to Jack  
  
Terri: What does it say?  
  
Jack (Reads): JACK TRIPPER: YOU HAVE BEEN EVICTED. GET OUT IN TWENTY THREE HOURS.  
  
Janet: But you're not RF!  
  
RF Rips the Moustache Off  
  
He Groans  
  
RF: I saw you three kiss!  
  
Larry: You called that a kiss? Girls!  
  
Girls: No way Larry!  
  
Jack: Wait! Girls Come To Me!  
  
They Huddle and Whisper  
  
Terri: Larry, I'll kiss you!  
  
Larry: Yahoo!  
  
Terri: But Close Your Eyes the Entttire time!  
  
Larry Closes His Eyes  
  
Terri Winks at Janet  
  
Janet Runs Into the Kitchen  
  
Clanking is Heard  
  
Janet Runs Out With a Mop And Gives It to Terri  
  
Terri Puts the Mop In Her Place  
  
Larry Trys to Kiss the Mop, But He and the Mop fall to the floor  
  
Larry Jumps Up  
  
Larry: What a cheap trick! (To RF) But I'm telling you, that was no kiss!  
  
Terri: How would you know? You weren't there!  
  
All (Except Terri and RF): TERRI!  
  
RF: You almost fooled me! Now, out!  
  
Janet: Wait a minute! You invaded our privacy.....I think we should call a UNION!  
  
RF: Not a union! Bart Hates Unions!  
  
Jack: And all these health violations will keep you jobless for years!  
  
RF: No, no, no!  
  
Terri: And the consistent scareity of water in this building is a welcome wagon for heat stroke! We'll make millions!  
  
Janet Goes to Phone  
  
Janet: I'll Call Them Right Now!  
  
RF: Hush that mouth, Janet! Jack can stay  
  
Jack, Janet, and Terri All Hug  
  
RF: But what were you doing?  
  
Jack: I wasn't going to tell becuase it would embarress the girls but.....they were trying to figure out the best kiss.  
  
RF: For shame, Terri! For shame Janet!  
  
Janet: Well, a girl's gotta have some fun!  
  
RF: But not at the expense of other people! Jack might never be normal again! But then again, he never was!  
  
Jack: Comfort me, RF!  
  
Jack Holds His Hands Out  
  
RF Goes Into a Karate Stance  
  
RF: Don't touch me! Now, no more of this! Girls, leave poor Jack out of your problems! From what I hear, neither of you can kiss!  
  
J&T: Oh yeah?  
  
They Push RF Out  
  
He Falls Down the Stairs  
  
Janet, Jack, Terri, and Larry Run to the Top Step  
  
Terri: I didn't see anything!  
  
Larry: Me too!  
  
Jack: How did that happen?  
  
Janet: I don't know!  
  
The Tag of the Show  
  
Scene- Furley's Apartment  
  
Janet, Jack, and Terri are Gathered Around RF, who has two broken legs and is Sitting on His Bed  
  
RF: Terri, can you get me some punch? Janet, can you get me the newspaper?  
  
T&J: Sure!  
  
They Exit  
  
Jack: Now, I think it's time that we get to know each other!  
  
RF: No, JAck! Control Yourself!  
  
RF Smashs His Head On the Headboard  
  
A Lamp Proped Up On a Shelf Above the Bed Falls And Hits RF On the Head  
  
Jack: Oh no!  
  
He Goes to the Door. There's a Note There  
  
Jack (Reads): Dear RF, It's me Cindy! I'm getting back at you for leaving me at the Zoo! Cindy Snow  
  
Jack Screams And Runs Out  
  
The End 


End file.
